Thursday, April 27, 2006
Well, turns out there are no easy answers when it comes to trouser tracks. Splashback reduction has long stumped pissoir engineers(engineers specialising in urinals) ; it is, in fact, that profession's second biggest problem, nearly as great of a challenge as trying to explain exactly why you wound up measuring urination arcs for a living..lol..any pissoir engineers out there?
Gary Uhl, American standards's head designer, a man known as the Mozart of micturition science found that the mass of the ass plus the heat of the body equals the angle of the piss, the stunning discovery that revolutionized the urinal world. Wonder if he will actually name the equation units after his name..so for everybody out there, new equation to remember, next to your usual f=ma;
Alex
10:57 AM
Thursday, April 20, 2006
To the glistening eastern sea, I give you Queen Jun bin the Gentle. To the great western woods, King Alex the hum-sap. To the radiant southern sun, King Sean the Queer. To the clear northern skies, King Zach the Confused. And to the muddy, contaminated rivers of PJ, King Jason the intoxicated. Once a king or Queen of Engineering, always a king or queen.
Alex
9:22 PM
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Now dont misunderstand me, im not advocating lying. Lying is immoral, wrong and just plain bad. Furthermore, lying is too easy, we're talking here about an art, an art akin to bull fighting. Like a guy trying to dodge, weave and dance his way out of a tight situation. Firstly, a classic response would be like, "Have u read the Da vinci code?", which you would promptly reply, "Not recently". However, this does not work for new books that are just published. On another occasion, a guy i met, came up with a perfect reply for pesky interrogators, when asked if he had read To kill a mocking bird, he replied, "Not in English." I was awestruck. In 3 absolutely truthful words, he managed to convey 2 distinct and misleading messages: 1) he read the book, 2) he was fluent in another language.
When asked to comment on a play, musical or film of which you are completely unaware of, try some of these all-purpose adjectives:
"I prefer his earlier works. They're more pristine" Or "I prefer his earlier works. Theyre more mature." Sometimes, you can start a conversation and add in any dubious facts and still appear smart if the listener does not have a clue about the subject u're rabbling on about . Try some of these:
1) Quantum physic...unless they're some professor
2) The dead sea scrolls...nobody really knows much about it
3) Linear algebra and matrices....hah!..make sure its not martyn nash or some whiz kid who ACTUALLY listens to him in the MM2 lec (i.e: catz)
Finally, at some point in any dinner conversation, someone is bound to turn to you and say, "what do u think?". You havent been paying as much attention to the conversation as you are to the roast duck and beef rendang. But you cant admit that. This is where you need to express an opinion that is relevant to any subject, such as "It all depends", "You cant generalize" or you could make use of random metaphors (e.g: "what do u think of mamma mia?"..."well, you know its like that kind of feeling when you take a slice of cake, and u know that cake its chocolate, but somehow it tasted like peach"). If all else fails, then take a bite of meat and chew it throughly. Then once its well chewed and tucked in a corner of your mouth, simulate choking to death. Hold your breath and and if possible turn blue. Frantically point at your throat and start rolling all over the floor. When you judge that the time is right, spit the bit of meat with a realistic sound and calmy say..."im all right"
Al pacino (middle) is one of the greats as he oozes confidence and style on the dinner table even though he knows next to nothing.
Alex
3:51 PM
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Ah...monday...everyones worst day....it started out like any typical monday...bored, tired, lazy....luckily uni was finish and i was at home licking my wounds. Was reluctantly doing my assignment when i had a call..."hello..alex cheah ar?" said the donkey-like voice. I confirmed with him that it was me and then he said "oi...wanna go hamilton NOW ar" (for those in malaysia, thats like saying(if ure in kl), wanna go Ipoh now ar?). Surprised and confused, i agreed. "So we come and pick u up...get ready ar". Seeing as i didnt know anything about this trip, i wore my beanie and brought some parang just in case we went for a fight...they mob arrived...turns out that boon wanted to go to hamilton to pick up his amplifier and requested the company of jun bin, jason and i.
"Alamak, wasting my time lar these fellows", i silently whispered to myself. So off we went on our merry trip to hamilton. After so confusion in the exits, we were in the motorway, heading south bound. The car was equiped with a guitar, some chinese song CD and jun bin's sense of humour. After about 1.5 hours of driving, we reached hamilton, much to the relief of sean as i sense he was getting annoyed by the "are we there yet?" pestering from jason. We stopped at a burger king and waited for the dude to come. I noticed sumthin different from our usual bk in auckland, all the staff here are female...hmm...thats nice...anyway, jun bin bought some kids toy and was trying hard to fix the damn thing (what an insult to engineering)..poor guy, couldnt fix the toy and was just about to burst in tears when jason helped out.
Anyway, sean got his amp and she look absolutely gorgeous...after touching she smooth body, and rubbing her knickers..oops...i mean speakers...we left her alone in the trunk and headed to get some dinner.
As expected, hamilton was a dead town, everything was close except liquor king and subway, so after some hard discussion, we decided to choose subway (much to my disapproval). Jun bin as usual was asking for more meatBALLS, sean was flirting with the moari chick, jason was battling with his sandwich and i was observing all their antics.
After dinner, we went to get some petrol. Jun BIn and i went to the shop and got some drinks. A peculiar thing happened, the shop owner was seemingly flirting with bin. Whats wrong with that u ask?..well, HIS tone of voice and sudden interest in bin's life was disturbing. He kept on asking bin to buy some chocolate and when we wanted some chocolate milkshake and there weren't any he said to bin, "ive got some chocolate milkshake in the store, u wanna come and have a look", i quickly pull bin, grab our drink and left.
We headed home...the ride home was absolutely smashing...we sang along the whole way, bin was awesome in the guitars, sean scintillating with the vocals, jason was great with the backup singing and i was a master in spoiling the songs....we sang everything from chinese songs: qing nian, an jing and whole lotta other crap that i dunno (damn, must learn more chinese songs) to english songs from all genres such as ronon keating, jack johnson, robbie williams, enrique, greenday, stand by me(dunno who sang this, AWEsome song) and even avril lavine (however u spell that)..yes, i kid u not...we were getting all emo and lovey dovey and shit...so we decided to have some gossip seasion...all hell broke loose... deep, dark secrets were revealed..it was llike a jampacked episode of desperate housewives...so after gossiping about every damn chick we know, no more fun and games we thought, it was on to a brutal discussion about serious stuff such as, who's gonna marry first, what to call our babies, how to propose to our wives, how many stripers our bachelors party is gonna have.....u know...stuff like that. Overall, it was some crazy night, i laugh my shit off and learn some stuff that i never knew about my frens...awesome time...more of this ay...nat ali...
everyone checkin out boon's amp
Bin trying hard to fix a DAMN bk toy
FINALLY!!! happiness all round
lalala....get me out of this damn car!!
Alex
7:35 PM
Friday, April 07, 2006
Random comic for those use hate words...
The night was young, stars shimmering across the azure sky... I swiflty made my way to the club, my breath melting into thin air, aniticipation flowing continously into my very bones as i got closer and closer. I was welcomed by throngs of people jostling thier way in. Loud music filled the place , so loud that it gave the sensation as if dozens of bongo drums were playing simultaneously. I was left gasping for air after managing to squeeze through the queue. ARGH!!...my ear drums squeal in pain as the bass kicks in...its far worse than sitting in any geology lecture. I settled down a dark corner, oblivious to the crowd which seemed like possess apes, as they shake their ligaments to various position. I ordered the usual, wild south sauvignon blanc complemented with 2 shots of gin . As i tucked into what i termed my 10 seconds of heaven, i noticed a forlorn figure of an elderly man admist the sea of lights.
I hunched forward to take a closer look. His seemingly long, greyish robe covered his frail body. "Mind your own business" echoed a voice in the background. Consequently, i dully took no further notice and indulge in my drink. As i hoist my glass back onto the table, i saw, right at the very spot the old man was, a figure so overwhelmingly beautiful that she could make a heaven out of hell. A beauty too rich for use, like the rarest jewel in Ethiopia. I was bewildered, stunned,dazed, stupefied that i nearly drop my glass. Divine would seem like an understatement when describing her beauty. She was standing so gracefully, cluthcing her drink with her soft, delicate hands, i wish i was a glove, her hair like cascading drops of waterfall, flowing effortlessly. I blinked rapidly ensuring that it wasnt a mirage. Thankfully, she was still there, my stomach growled as i felt a weird sensation. It was almost as though i was hit by a running train. She swirled her head towards my glance. Awestruck by her sheer beauty manifesting itself, i was speechless.
This may seems rather cliche but her eyes could bring a smile to any cold bitter night. Eyes that would leave a rampaging amry stop dead on thier tracks. Eyes that would shine brighlty even in the murky depths of Mordor, Eyes that would shake the very walls of Helms Deep. Shakespeare himself would not find any combination of words to describe it . As if that wasnt enough, she had a smile, a smile that makes life worth living. My heart was pounding ruthlessly, its inevitable, this must be fate....after all, its not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves. My imagination started to take control of my mind. I foresee the future and i envisage the cold winter night where we will snuggle together by the firelight, or running freely along the savanna as the sun blazes on the african sky or when we call each other sugar lump, cupsy cake or gumdrops. A smile ran through my face. I must find a way to approach her. This simple task seemed like the hardest differential equation to solve. I tried using laplace transformation, LU substuition, Runge Kutta but still it wont give any solution. I settled for the orthodox "hi".
As i was approaching her, i could feel my sweat gliding through my spine. I was terrorised as i tried to summoned all my courage. "hi" i muttered..."hi" she replied, her voice no louder than the ruslte of the wind but sounded so virtuous like a symphony of bach,mozart, tschaikovsky combined. DAMN!!...i didnt think of a follow up...baffled and confused, i quotated some literature "Oh fair maiden, your beauty shakes the darling buds of may"....dang!!!...as soon as those words spilled out of my lips, i knew i made a bad choice. She flashed a brief smile whlist leaning her hands towards me. Her presence was strangly comforting, just like sunshine after a rain. She embrace my hand (actually it was more of a handshake but what the hell). My intuition encompassed my rational state of thinking and i gently lean my head forward, closer and closer, until we could only probably be seperated by a sheet of paper...i could feel her breath gently colliding my skin...my receptors went head over heels.........And then, AND THEN, AND THEN, i woke up, wash my face, put on my favourite pair of undies on and left for uni.
Alex
6:28 PM
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
On a lighther note, Sean has suggested that our next drinkin seasion will be on next thursday!!...as u all know that friday is a public holiday so there will be ample of time for u to worry about your assignment. And on that note, how bout on friday (after we sober up of coz) we can discuss our mm2 assignment and try to make some progress...should be helpful for all..whose up for it?..post on the doodle section if ure interested...only one dilemma, no where to go, i bet kai ann wont even let me close to her house after what i said so any other ideas guys? anyway, good luck for ur tailcocks .....
Alex
6:01 PM
Monday, April 03, 2006
OGH lecture theatre, 1200:
Opearation Rock Test.
How to pass this test with minimal study(no thanks to that drinking night which made me slept for majority of sunday) . Stuyding late sunday night was a recipe for disaster. However, as i walked into the examination hall, admist the sounds of death bells, i started to ponder on what words of wisdom other people would say before they took their last breath. Heres a few i managed to find out:
- James Rodgers, executed in 1960, was asked if he had any last request as he stood before a firing squad. "Why, yes" he said. " I'd like a bullet proof vest".
- When Henry Ward was dying at a age of seventy four, his doctor asked him how high he could raise his arm. He replied, "Well, high enough to hit you, Doctor"
- Rabelais uttered what I consider is the greatest exit lines "Im going to the great...perhaps"
- Carl Panzram, who murdered 23 ppl: "i wish the whole human race had one neck and i had my hands around it"
But to my surprise, the rocks were quite easily distinguishable. Hopefully i didnt do too bad. I shouldnt have stress out too much...i remembered what my grandpa used to tell me, "In order to have a long life, keep your feet warm, back straight and head cool". Anyway, heres summore pics from the food night....so stay cool guys....
I love the mixed emotions in this pic
Kai ann's body odour clearly got the better of me and jun bin(especially)
hahah....photo is left skew , distribution is a 6:5 gender split
Take that u damn mechanical engineer!!
Alex
9:10 PM
Sunday, April 02, 2006
The malaysian contigent (with one singaporean)
Next, was some skit about how baba and nyonya was discovered and how to "make" an instant baby. Dessert was the final thing left and we were treated to some sago pudding and kuih bakar...with some gula melaka(the chick that gave this to me probably gave me like 1ml of this, COME ON!!!...its not like its vodka). After that, the food night was over and everybody went home satisfied.......OR DID THEY....a bunch of dodgy students decided to have a drinking party in a friends place....however, thier plans turned to custard when they found out that one of them had a accident. Well, being the caring and loving ppl they are, concerns quickly filled the camp.
Turns out that this pudding head was pulling a fast one...must be the dye in his hair contributing his mischievousness ....Anyway, they waited in the engineering sofa and suddenly one of them had an ingenious idea. Xtreme Sofa Jumping!!.....heres some pic
Crazy jason jumping over ME!! Awesome reaction time from xin yi to take the photo...kudos to u
Finally, SEAN arrived and we proceeded to jun bin's place for some R&R. Played some table tennis, sponge bob and wheel of fortune...nothing much ....but the night was just about to begin...we proceeded to kai ann's house for the real deal. Here's what we had in store
A dozen lion red
A dozen KGB
Half a dozen of green lime vodka crusiers
And the mother of it all, RIBENNA SMELLING VODKA
all shared between 5 of us. Now, any sane person would think that this was going to be one heck of a night but initially i did have my concerns when kai ann started playing brokeback mountain on a HUGE plasma tv much to the amuzement of sean and evan. I somehow suspect that sean was learning fast when later on that night he proceeded in giving a peck on the cheeks to some innocent, young boy. But more of that later, we started off with some light drinking while playing the BANG-WA game. Richly entertaining to see evan getting drunk on water. We then proceed and play a card drinking game. Heres how it works, each player draws a card...THATS ALL, simple...heres what u have to do for each card
Ace = One shot of vodka (sean's fav)
King = 5 push ups and adding to the shot glass (i personaly hated this when i had to do my push ups) Person with the last king drinks the whole bit
Queen = Question master (whereby u ask a question hoping for an answer from sumone, otherwise, u drink ,kai ann was suspiciously good at this)
Jack = Toilet pass (priceless at times)
10 = Waterfall ( Some ppl cheated)
9 = Thumb master ( place ur thumb and everybody follows suit)
8,7 = Pass cards
6= Rhyme Buster (MY FAVOURITE!!...)
5 = Cargo (give names of brands of various objects- some idiot thought nike made cellphones)
4 = Rule master
3= toilet pass
2 = multiples of four
JOKER = kiss sumone ( bloody sean)
Anyway, it was great fun...lots of things happen and in true rhyme buster fashion...here is a synopsis
Kai Ann was so drunk,
Smelt like a dead skunk, (sorry, couldnt think of anything, its better than skank)
Plus she got 2 kisses,
From another misses.
Xin yi was so high,
she wasnt the least bit shy,
she wanted to play more,
when everyone was sleeping lilke a bore.
Sean loved all the gay scenes,
Dunno what that means,
We thought we heard a lion roar,
Turns out it was his snore.
Jason was all over the place,
What a huge disgrace,
Lying on the bloody floor,
Trying to find some multiple of four.
Alex was the most sober,
Making sure everything was in order,
He was taking care of all,
Standing high and tall.
(haha...if u disagree, do post a new one in the doodle section)
two guys and a girl....and the one with the guitar is er...dunno guy or gay
Alex
8:29 PM
